In these confusing times, it can be difficult to understand how to run.
Yes, you may think it’s just about putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward at speed, but really it’s much more complicated than that. Just going for a run without reading a magazine first is possibly the most dangerous thing you can do.
You might get hurt. Or killed. Or end up having a strawberry milkshake thrown at you.
To prevent such ills befalling you, Bad Boy Running has compiled a list of the top 40 magazines for runners:
- Women’s Running – it’s a magazine about running for women. It isn’t strict on its readership policy, however, and anyone can purchase or read it. But the generally theme is running and women.
- Men’s Running – it’s a formerly funny magazine about running if you’re a man. It once featured an hilarious writer well-known for his witty pieces about doing badly in races. Since his departure, it is a husk of a magazine but still relevant if you are a) a man and b) want to run.
- Trail Running Magazine – offshoot of the popular Trail magazine designed for slightly faster hikers who don’t want to be thought of as elderly. Basically same content as Trail magazine but with some running gadgets and shorts. And less old people.
- Running Fitness – a magazine about being fit and running. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. You don’t even have to be fit to read it. Or run. Although why you’d buy it is a strange decision.
- Outdoor Fitness – a magazine about being outdoor and fit. Not appropriate if you intent to be outside and unfit or indoors and fit. It is really only worth being outdoors when you’re fit otherwise it makes running very hard. Unless you’re on a treadmill. Which isn’t covered here. Because it’s all about the outside. Running involved. But only outdoors. Definitely not indoors.
- Outside magazine. US publication focused on more stuff that’s not indoors. Which means nature generally although not cities or towns or anything that resembles modernity. Has a lot of climbers and kayakers. Some runners. Tries to feature the occasional cyclist before realising they’re cheats and unnatural.
- Men’s Health – a magazine for men who have no intention of being muscle-y but want to read about sex tips without looking at a women’s magazine. Running occasionally mentioned.
- Women’s Health – the same as the above but about women. Mainly features the same articles but with a pastel, handwritten font. Some running.
- Muscle & Fitness – if you like muscles and you like fitness, this is the perfect magazine. It combines both. And steroids. If you like them too. Running is generally frowned upon, though… it could burn muscle. But if you want muscle this is the place. There’s lot of it. LOTS of it. Well, not as much as in…
- Flex – no, not the publication of choice for electricians, this is another muscle-based fitness publication. But it has bigger, bolder writing and so seems more serious. Again, no running. It’s bad. Perfect for muscles, though.
- Muscle & Fitness Hers – yes, there’s actually a women’s focused issue of muscle and fitness… because women have different muscles and fitness, it seems. And clearly not enough purple and pink in the branding, either. Includes such features as “How not to chip a nail when hauling dumbbells” and “How to have a fab girls night in and smash steroids”
- Breathe – styled as a mindfulness magazine, this is perfect for runners who need to know how to absorb oxygen and expel carbon dioxide. In fact, we’re pretty sure no-one can survive without doing so. Even if you just read the title of this magazine, it’s great advice. Some running, too.
- Yoga Magazine – a magazine about yoga. And everyone knows yoga is good. So good for runners.
- OmYoga – another magazine about yoga but clearly more serious as it encourages you to start chanting by simply saying the title. Clever.
- Healthy Magazine – the sister publication to Unhealthy Magazine which features “How to make your own kebab” and “5k to couch in three weeks”. Obvs features physical activity. Like running.
- National Geographic – the magazine for wealthy Westerners to see how the rest of this poverty-stricken world lives. But in nice arty photos that remove all the grime. Some running. Mainly from elephants or other dangerous wildlife.
- Decanter Magazine – the magazine for wine enthusiasts and training manual for Marathon du Medoc.
- Wallpaper – self-indulgent bollocks for people who are better than the rest of us. Zero running, but plenty to run from. Recommended.
- Empire magazine – film industry schlock fest that can’t believe it’s still in existence. Basically, a bunch of paid-for features so this puppet of mainstream Hollywood can stay in print. (We’re not paid for, they argue. Five stars for Pearl Harbor, we reply). Some running.
- Good Housekeeping – everyone knows the importance of cake for ultrarunners. And Good Housekeeping has the BEST recipes for the classic Victoria Sponge. Yes.
- The Field – a magazine all about field sports during the days of Empire. Some running, but fascinating anyway. Who reads this?
- Take A Break – one of Britain’s best selling magazines distracts you from Brexit by telling epic tales of love rats and “you’re not my son”-related shenans. No running as such, but a lot these people should be running from.
- Whisky – a magazine about whisky. Which some runners drink.
- Cosmopolitan – a magazine for women which exploits every insecurity while dressing their content up as empower (“You are perfect: 10 ways you never need to change for anyone” next to “Slim yourself stupid on this 14 day fat blast diet”) Plus sex talk. Some running mentioned.
- Hello! – like its Spanish counterpart Hola! basically another way to see what the royals are up to without reading The Daily Express. No running.
- OK! – cheapo knock-off version of Hello! with no royals that basically takes has nice photos of Peter Andre or Shane Ritchie.
- Vegan Food – some really good ultrarunners are vegan. This is the kind of food they eat. All in magazine format.
- Gin magazine – all about the juniper-based tipple. Not just Mother’s Ruin but also the ruin of many a runner. Both before, during and after a run.
- National Trust magazine – not technically a running magazine but I bet you’ve run through some NT properties at some point (remember to close the gates, people…) Also the UK’s most popular magazine.
- Women’s Own – who’s getting divorced this week? Need to know? This is your mag. No running but plenty of scandal.
- Great British Food magazine – covering the best of home-grown British cuisine in this Brexit era, including recipes for chicken tikka masala, black bean burritos, Pad Thai and avocado maki
- Red – technically a lifestyle magazine and not the magazine of choice for communists or for friction-related running injuries. Very little running.
- Psychologies – not a magazine that dives deep into psychology research and practice, more a load of spirituality, pseudo-science balls. Minimal running (not minimalist, tho)
- How It Works – about how stuff works. Like tables. And cars. And legs. Some running.
- Vogue – iconic magazine inspired by the Madonna’s song “La Isla Bonita”. No running, but lots of skinny people who look like runners.
- Cake Masters – did we mention the importance of cake to ultrarunning aid stations. Same applies again.
- Gardener’s World – not technically a running magazine but has stuff about gardens and people like to run outside so practically a guide to running outside. No? Ok.
- Vanity Fair – the magazine of choice for toffs and class-conscious. You really should be caught running in your jodphurs or smoking jacket so best read up on what Sir Templeton Deffaffington-Smythe thinks about all this nonsense or whatever. Magazine only available to demographic groups ABC1. Actually, no running
- The Lady – publication of choice for the more discerning lady. Used to be thought of as a magazine for more mature individuals, has been dramatically updated in recent years to cover the flower arrangements and cake offerings at the 1951 Festival of Britain. No running but a lovely feature on “disruptive” floral arrangements.
- Time magazine – runners are always trying to beat the clock so it makes perfect sense to include Time magazine which is nothing to do with actual time but hey we’re scraping the barrel now. (now? More like after the first 10…)
Yes, that’s it. That’s all 40. There are no other magazines for runners worth reading.
You can go home now. Bye.
(Seriously, who reads magazines these days?)